i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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