I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
