I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
