She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
sarcasm needs its own font
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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