It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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