Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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