I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A+ Viking dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize