it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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