His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
