party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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