I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
