Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
