Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
