Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
