He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
