I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
