Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
