I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I want her autograph on my taint
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
