I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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