it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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