I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
