im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize