I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
