I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You ruined the universe
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
