So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
