My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
