obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
