I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
