I feel like abortions should bother me more
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
