Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
