I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
