My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
