Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
