Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
