8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He shit in the fireplace
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
