Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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