happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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