Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
