I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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