Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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