so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
