She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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