she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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