I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
