I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
