I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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