You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
