And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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