85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
