Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
