so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
