ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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