Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
