Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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