In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
