i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
