He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
