I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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