dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize