The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
