If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
