This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
