if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We talked him into tasing himself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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