youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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