My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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