Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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