Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
