Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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