is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
