I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
